Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
