it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I enjoy the company of your penis
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
