Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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