The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
