I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
