We named our party play list daddy issues
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
