My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
