he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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