If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
