Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
