All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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