i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
