I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
