We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
