I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just blew my weed a kiss
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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