this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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