I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
