His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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