Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
