I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
