He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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