Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
