my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
