You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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