Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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