If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We had to coat check the pizza.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
