I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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