Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
