how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
