matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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