what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
