I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
