so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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