I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
