This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
