honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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