I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
