i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
