We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
COCAINE IS GR8
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
