i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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