I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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