WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
