She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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