ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
