Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
