tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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