Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
