Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
