Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
