On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Michael Bay diarrhea
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
