he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
