Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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