totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
not ubering you a puppy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
