How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
