Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
