she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
