I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
