as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
