Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
