I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I look better un-naked...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
