I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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