I hope mine doesn't look like that
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
