you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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