What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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