Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
