Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
then he tried to convert me to islam
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
