so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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