between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize