also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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