Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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