Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
