i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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