I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
