Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
