what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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