Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
