dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
