She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
