Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
