I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
