If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
