God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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