Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
