Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
