M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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