I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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