Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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