The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
