Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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