i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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