chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
