I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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