apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
