M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
